Dealing with this week

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Hello, imaginary friends.

This week is turning out to be another sucky one. But I like to think that the fact that I’m writing this post and talking about it means I’m taking a proactive step to deal with my shit.

But let’s ignore me for a moment. How are you? How is your week going? Hopefully, you’re taking time out for yourself.

That’s all.

xx

L

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1 Step Forward, 3 Steps Back

 

Hello imaginary friends,

I thought everything was going well. I haven’t felt depressed in nine weeks. Nine whole weeks of absolute normalcy. Regular everyday normal person occurrences and annoyances. Absolute bliss– in my books.  Until a week ago.

My depression has been a rollercoaster, with more downs than ups, as one would probably expect I suppose. However, I actually felt myself winning these nine weeks. Beating the beast. I completed my first assignment on time and gave my presentation– which could have gone better– but I refuse to dwell. I attended classes and tutorials. Took all the positive pre-emptive steps I could to ensure I remained on my path to whatever the opposite of depressed is. And then shit happened. I find it unnecessary to recap every boring moment but suffice it to say, it was not pleasant.

Where I’m from, election season is drama ridden, similar to everywhere else, I guess. But this election period has been more– dramatic? concerning? violent? I have no idea at this point. Usually, it’s pretty easy to shrug away because I’ve not been affected negatively. But it was time for that to change, apparently.

So here I am sitting on my bed on a Saturday night, with two assignments due in a few days, writing this post. I’ve gone from successfully studying every day to being unable to focus for more than 10 minutes.  This sucks because I can’t watch Spiderman: Homecoming until I complete and hand in both assignments (because it’s my reward). I’ve cut myself off from Facebook because it seems to be the deliverer of bad news for me. Super annoyed right now because I was happy with my progress but I guess we can’t always have what we want, can we?

I was on the right track and now I’m not and I’m trying to get back on and it’s hard. Anyway, hope your week is better than mine.

xx

L

Signs of an Emotional Bully 

This was such an enlightening article that I wish I had a while back.

MakeItUltra™

Written by Eric C., MA., PhD Candidate


“Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me.” ~Anonymous

I wish the above quote was true. Unless we are machine or lack human emotions, words and actions have a profound effect on the way we feel about ourselves and the world around us. In our current society we have become hyper-aware and sensitive to bullying. We are quick to notice this taboo behavior in others and readily condemn it. It is possible that some of us fail to see the same behavior in ourselves. It’s time to take off our blinders and become more self-aware that we may be exhibiting the same behaviors towards others even though we will not tolerate this behavior from others. Self-awareness leads to personal growth. Through positive evolution we become happier and tend to have healthier relationships in general.

Here are some signs of an emotional…

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It’s hard being okay

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Hello again imaginary friends,

Today has been a better day than yesterday. I’m hoping tomorrow will be better than today. That’s how I’m living now and I know that I’m not the only one.

Recently, I was advised (by a licenced professional in the medical field) that I’ve emerged out of my depression. Yes, I used the word “emerged” because I felt as if I was drowning in it for the longest time. So I’ve finally emerged and I realised something– it’s hard being okay.

Let me try to explain what I mean. First off, this is from my personal experience and is not a reflection of how other people who have had or are experiencing depression and anxiety felt. For the longest time, I felt as if I was living under water. As if all but the negative thoughts and emotions that I felt or observed could pass through the water and get to me. Regardless of the lifeboats that were sent my way in the form of advice, positive reinforcement, medication, I couldn’t come out of my “funk” because I wasn’t ready to. I hated the people who offered me advice because how could they possibly know what I was feeling. I hated the positive reinforcement because did they really think some exercise and being around people would help? But most of all, I hated the medication. I felt weak. I hated feeling depressed all the time but I also hated the fact that if I accepted the help, I would have to admit that I was actually clinically depressed and to admit that would be weak. So I existed in my bubble of denial for a good little bit. Almost 2 and a half years later, I realised that I was tired of being depressed. So I made a decision to take action.

The “action” turned out to be leaving school for a semester. It hadn’t been going so well at that point anyway. I went back home, ate well, stayed out in the sun, hung around my family and stopped taking my medication. I’m in no way saying that this was the best course of action for everyone, but in my case, it turned out to be the best decision I’ve made so far. So I’m back in school. Generally in a good mood. No depressive “I hate myself” bouts. But I’ve reached another realisation. Being okay is hard!

For the longest time, I began to use my depression as a crutch. Now I don’t have one anymore. I can’t use it as an excuse (which I had begun to do) to get out of being social or participating in life. So I now have to figure out how to be okay–that’s my next journey.

Hope you’re okay and if you aren’t, don’t be afraid to reach out for help.

xx

 

 

I am vexed Facebook (users)

Hello imaginary friends, it has been a minute since I’ve been here. Hope all has been well with you. I’ve been good. Finally got my shit together…kind of. Happy to report that I am happy today. No procrastination to report except for the time I took to write this. Yay for progress.

I logged into my Facebook account this morning and observed a few things that I found vexing – things that I’m sure we’ve all noticed from time to time. So here I am, dedicating an entire post to them. Why? Because I can. The less “I’m an ass” answer is because the first 10 statuses that I came across in my feed could be categorised into the following groups and my genius (ha!) thought this would be a good way to remind myself never to do these things.

  1. What grammar? No one cares about basic grammar or punctuation or correct spelling anymore. The number of times I’ve seen someone spell the word can’t wrong. So many variations of a four letter abbreviated word. My thing is, if you don’t know where the apostrophe goes, do not do it. I love seeing the different incorrect uses of the very different words: their, there and they’re. Now I’m not the grammar police but come on.
  2. The “play-by-plays” as I’ve come to refer to them as in my head. My generation has developed this ridiculous notion in their heads that people care what they are doing every minute of every day. I sometimes feel the urge to comment under their post no one cares what you had for lunch unless they were there with you or you call them mum. But that would be mean and also hypocritical, so I don’t.
  3. The “I’m a bad bitch, don’t mess with me” One of my personal favourites to roll my eyes to, purposely because most of the authors of these posts are keyboard warriors. Although, I have known a few people who have been true to their word, which gives me hope that there are people left in this world that you CAN trust “insert eye roll here”. They all usually start the same. *insert expletive*, *insert descriptive playground insult *, *insert vague, passive- aggressive yet situation-specific bias retelling without naming subject*, *insert another expletive*… I could go on for hours but I think you get the picture. Am I the only one that rolls their eyes when I come upon one of these posts? We get it, you’re a bad ass. But I’d rather read about how you defended a kid from being bullied, instead of how you beat another person up because they looked at you the wrong way. But that’s just my personal opinion.
  4. LMS for a chat. What the hell? This is a trend that I have observed amongst my younger acquaintances. Personally, I don’t find this as annoying as other things I have seen on Facebook, but seriously? Do you not have actual friends? I am anti-social as F and even I have enough people in my life to talk to that I don’t need that as a status. I get that social media is a way of connecting people blah blah blah. But don’t you want to “chat” with someone you actually know? Someone that you’ve met and whose voice you’ve heard? Or maybe that’s my anti-social coming out. There are a lot of creeps out there, I’m just saying.
  5. Relationship Statuses. With the way dating and relationships don’t seem to work these days (not that I’d know—single and never ready to mingle), relationship statuses seem to change almost weekly (I’m being generous). There was a time that all my friends would change their statuses every day depending on how their boyfriends talked to them that day. Childish, right? Yeah, the thing was, they were all in their late teens and early twenties at the time, proving that maturity does not come with age. So here’s an idea, just don’t have a status if you’re unsure or get that ring and then just select married. Done.

I think the moral of this post is that I should not go onto Facebook because I just realised what a judgmental ass I sound like. Anyway, have a productive week.

xx

L

 

 

 

 

 

 

Progress?

It was my hope when I began this blog thing that it would help me to change my introverted, procrastinating ways for the better. Here I am, these months later and I can honestly say this is one of those to add to the “failing miserably” list.  However, there is still hope, because note I wrote ‘failing’ NOT ‘failed’.

Over these past months, I have tried almost everything to “fix”my bad habits. I can happily say that I have become more…receptive to people. Yay for me! On the other hand, I am still unable to manage my time with efficiency.

I have a diary, a day planner, a daily schedule, an assignment planner and to-do list and I still manage to procrastinate. This has led me to realise a painful truth: I have no discipline. But how to get discipline is not the problem. I wish it was something I could but at a chemist, like, “hi, I’d like a pack of Panadol capsules and throw in a couple of packs of discipline while you’re at it.” So now it’s back to the drawing- more like dining- table for new strategies to re-teach myself discipline.

The good thing is I have all the tools, I just need to learn to use them (which sounds like a euphemism now that I have re-read that). Positivity is the key. Well, it actually isn’t but thinking I will fail before actually attempting something is not going to get me anywhere. So here I go on this new journey to find discipline. I have no idea how to do this short of asking my mum to come live with me (not happening- I am grown..ish), but I’ll fill you in, even if you don’t particularly care.

Happy Sunday.

 

Lesson 2: Double, Triple Check

This is a tale about that one time that I completely messed up my exam schedule and studied for the wrong dang exam.

In the spirit of trying to be a better person, I actually made the effort to study this past week. It’s been going well. Developmental psychology isn’t so bad when you get past all the words in the textbook that are supposed to mean something.But I still can’t get past the fact that I have a criminal law exam tomorrow and I am now up a metaphorical creek of faeces without a paddle. (I want my mummy!)

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How is it that I managed to mess up my schedule? I’m so lucky my exam is open book or should I say criminal code. Thank goodness for small miracles. So here I am attempting to properly annotate my exam materials so I don’t fail them miserably. Here’s me hoping that my case briefs are the ones I actually need.

I think it is safe to say that I learned another lesson today: double, triple check everything. Flight times, passport expiry dates, due dates for assignments and rent and of course, exam schedules. But I am trying to remain an optimist so I know everything will be alright.

Hope you have a productive week,

Larisha xx

 

I need a hobby

Lately, I’ve been considering what to do outside of school and my general procrastinating nature that might be interesting and/or fun.

Hi, my name is Larisha and I have no hobbies. Not if you count sleeping and eating, at least. So this is my attempt at searching for a hobby. I have tried photography, which led to my Nikon taking a swim in the ocean. I like cooking but I prefer eating more. I found that I hate adult colouring books because they are not relaxing at all. As I have an aversion to people, any group or team related activities is off the table. But now I sound like a whiny cow and I own that. So I did what anyone does when they are searching for answers, I googled hobbies for women in their 20s and was directed to a BuzzFeed article titled 17 Hobbies To Try If You Suck At Hobbies. As I went through the list, I found myself resenting everything they listed. Why? Because they all require some modicum of regular effort. And I am nothing if not lazy. However, in the spirit of giving everything a good ole college try and in an effort not to be a whiny cow, I have decided to select one of the hobbies on the list and try it out for 30 days. Hopefully, this will fare better than my attempt at the 30-day ab challenge (3 guesses for how I did with that one).

Here’s to hoping all goes well.

Larisha xx

Lesson 1: Discipline NOT Motivation

So here I am, sitting on my bed four days away from my exams and lacking the motivation to study. Suddenly, I find myself on Youtube because is this not the best way to procrastinate?  Am I not already an expert in this area? Anyway, I come across the #MagicalBlackGirl herself, YouTuber Evelyn from the Internets and she blesses my life with  the knowledge that generally puts me in all my places for days. She tells me (because yes she is speaking directly to me, thank you!) that what I actually lack and NEED is discipline, not motivation.

Amen!

Now I am going to go on my merry way and take my #magicalunicornself off the interwebs and toward my textbooks and actually study for the next few hours.

Hope you’re day has been productive.

Larisha xx

 

 

Journey of an Introvert: New site

Hey guys,

I haven’t been posting much because of school and life and all the other things that happen. A new exciting development for me is that I have created a new site for journeyofanintrovertprocrastinator which is more varied in its content. I’m trying out a new style.

Please check it out and let me know what you think. It’ll have some of the things I’ve already posted here as well as a few new additions.

thanks

Larisha. xx